Peace at the End FREE

My father was 76 years old and lived in Florida. He had spent his career in the army. He had been a long-time smoker and quit when he was in his late 40s. When he was 72 years old, he was diagnosed with throat cancer and had surgery. The physicians said the treatment cured him, and my father felt much better.

Four years later he had a persistent sore throat. He went to his physician, who referred him to an oncologist. He was diagnosed as having metastatic throat cancer and the physician said he had about 3 months to live. The oncologist recommended palliative chemotherapy. My father understood that it would relieve his symptoms so he would be more comfortable.

He came to live with me for the final months of his life. He began to receive his care at a cancer center in Washington, DC. My father brought all his records with him and the attending understood and agreed with the treatment plan. The palliative care helped him be more at ease.

One day he returned from a visit to the cancer center. He said that he had a new physician who told him that his palliative chemotherapy was not working and that he planned to put him on a much more aggressive drug, which would make his hair fall out. Perhaps the young physician wanted to give my father hope. My father was never a vain person and was not troubled about the possible hair loss. We discussed how aggressive chemotherapy would have many more effects than hair loss.

I called the attending physician and asked about the change in the treatment plan. He was unaware of the change and said that my father was being seen by a new resident. The attending physician was very distressed about the attempt to pursue aggressive treatment and confirmed that the new plan was futile and would be burdensome for my father.

We lost faith in this center. I took my father to a medical group that specialized in end-of-life care. We saw a wonderful, compassionate physician, who helped my father clarify his options and his goals for treatment and for the remainder of his life. He did not want to suffer or be overtreated. He had struggled with cancer and he realized that his time had come. He wanted a peaceful death. We left with a plan for hospice care.

He put all his affairs in order, planned his funeral, and told me what he wanted. My father's death was not easy, but he did not suffer unnecessary pain. He was able to have his wishes for his final days honored. While I was growing up, my father and I did not always see eye to eye. In later years we had a fine relationship. I am grateful to my father for showing me how I could help him achieve peace at the end. To this day, it is very consoling to me that I could do this for him.